Chick flicks are inevitable in relationships. It’s crucial that men know how to properly handle themselves in these situations – the success of the relationship depends on it! Luckily, I’m a seasoned veteran in this department and am willing to share my secrets with you…for free. I present to you, A Beginner’s Guide to Chick Flicks:
1. Passive-aggressively scoff at wife’s initial chick flick suggestion. Don’t overdo it, but make it loud enough to demonstrate your boundless masculinity to other males within earshot.
2. Roll eyes during previews for good measure. Sighs are optional. Please use discretion.
3. After his first shirtless scene, whisper disturbing information about hot male protagonist you learned during your TMZ cram session prior to the movie.
4. Feel sudden twinge of emotion. Suppress it.
5. Insist to wife that lead actress is, in fact, “ugly” and that you cannot fathom why her face has been chosen for numerous magazine covers.
6. Not wanting to miss what she says when he says what he said he was going to say, forego urge to use the restroom despite drinking the equivalent of a 12-pack of Fanta Orange in the last half hour.
7. Feel another twinge of emotion, this time accompanied by mild eye-moistening. Rub temples with index finger of hand shield and cough to hide your true feelings from everyone who is certainly watching you instead of the movie.
8. Ride home in silence.
9. Once wife is asleep, succumb to your sudden impulse to journal about the paradox of love – its complexity, its simplicity, and your thankfulness that Hugh Grant taught you how seamlessly they intersect.
10. Deny having seen said movie when friends and co-workers talk about it. Quickly change the subject by spouting off obscure facts about Iron Man 2 you researched on IMDB for just such an occasion.
Men, any steps I missed? Ladies, feel free to chime in too.