the 90%

I've been thinking about the year I gave my life to Christ. 17 years old, in a very dark place of loss and loneliness. When I turned my face to him and Who he is clicked in my little brain and heart, I was TRULY saved, rescued, redeemed. And because I was so desperate for the very things that HE is, I found myself unashamedly in love with my Jesus. There wasn't a thing I wouldn't do to know Him more...not a thing I wouldn't give up to be closer still.

So here I am, 18 years later, looking at my life and recognizing how routine, and mundane I can make my relationship with Christ. And I realize that even though I am not in that dark place these days, I am NO LESS desperate for my Jesus than I was those many years ago. Yet I don't live desperate for him. I acknowledge him as a breath of fresh air, rather than as air itself. I love him, but am I in love with him?

A friend of mine once said that 5% of life is the very bad stuff, 5% is the highest of highs, and 90% of life is everything in between. I would say that statement is accurate for what I know life to be thus far, and it is in that 90% that I tend to neglect my Jesus the most. Pathetic but true.

So today, I pray I will live desperate for Him. I pray I will know He is the air I breath. And I pray it won't take the 5% on either end of the spectrum for these things to happen...