Heck, it's all good stuff, great stuff even, and I'm not really complaining. I just feel uneasy, and possibly on the verge of tears here and there.
Here's the kicker though. When I get like this, I "pull a Paul" (from Romans 7) and do what I don't want to do...which is to (in a very Houdini-esque fashion) turn myself inside out and withdraw into the mind of Mindy. This can be a very fun place to be, but it can also be short-sighted, melancholy and reclusive. And as I fold up into myself, I can clearly & fully hear my Savior's gentle but firm insistence. Cling to me. Come to me and I will give you rest (Matthew 11 :28). Which is the very thing I need in seasons such as this. But for some asinine reason, I run from exactly what I need. Which in turn, causes me to delve into the abyss of self even more!
That cycle, my friends, is the picture of insanity. And I can be the most insane of all.
But I am grateful that experience has taught me much. I can see the signs. I know when I'm approaching that place I need not be. And usually, I can choose to make a sharp left turn and find my way Home again. And here's the good thing...when I'm back in His fold, I find peace, clarity, a level-head, and equilibrium; and I never hear what I dread the most, which is , I told you so.
It's then, in his provision, acceptance and love, that being captive to the dead-end of myself becomes less and less attractive.