Fully In

My youngest got hurt today. The whole bending of the finger backward when playing basketball. He was bawling and writhing after it happened, so we hugged, got out an icepack and I sat down with him to "give it some time." He continued to wimper and at one point said, "I hate my life."

Me: "Why do you hate your life?"

Blake: "Because I always get hurt."

Me to myself silently: Yes, yes you do always get hurt.

Me to Blake: "I can tell you why."

Blake: (big green watery eyes meet mine) "Why?"

Me: "Because you put your heart into everything completely. You live hard and fully and that means sometimes you get hurt."

And I proceeded to explain my theory to him in a way he could connect with. And by golly, my words seemed to appease him, at least for the moment. At least until he gets hurt again.

You see, my little guy lives life 100%. Whatever has his attention has it completely. Whatever endeavor is before him, is tackled with intensity and passion. I admire my Blaker so much, because the way I see him living is the way I wish I lived. But I am ever cautious, ever prudent and many times that doesn't translate into full living.

The thing about full living though, is what my son learns often.... Putting yourself fully in can mean bumps and bruises. Putting yourself fully in can mean less containment and control, less "nice and neatness." Putting yourself fully in isn't safe at all.

And I hope, hope, hope that this kind of living that Blake does will be tempered when and where it needs to be, but otherwise, I pray it will be unleashed.