In a nut shell, I want to get to know my God and His love for me, and I want to sit still with it. Sounds simple enough, but it is a daunting concept for an activist at heart, who uses the phrase "action steps" multiple times a week (just ask anyone I serve at my church with).
I realized in one of those ah-ha moments, that every time I've ever read the gospels, I have immediately looked at how Jesus saw and treated the sick, weak, & marginalized, and filed that away as how I should see and treat the sick, weak & marginalized. There's nothing wrong with that...Jesus is my mentor after all and I do want to be like him. But I skipped the most important part...simply glazed over it and never looked back.
What I missed is this: I never sat in the truth that in those stories about Jesus, I am the sick, weak and marginalized. When I played casting director, it never occurred to me that Mindy was the blind one, the needy one, the crippled one...those were roles other people filled. It wasn't that I was above those roles or too good for them. In my quest to find my beloved action steps, I just looked past them, b/c let's face it, there aren't many action steps for the crippled and needy. The action steps were His alone...things only He can do.
...only when I realize how He sees and treats me. Only when I sit in the knowledge that His action steps are the ones that matter, that saved the world...can His enormous, unrelenting, gut-wrenching, life altering, identity changing LOVE really move in my life. Outside of this love, my actions steps mean nothing.
And this Love is moving. Slowly and surely sinking in, filling the cracks in the foundations of my faith. Bringing His face into focus and capturing my heart.